TLDR: Neither in ministry nor in life are we expected to be omnicompetent. We simply lack the training, experience, and skills for that. Rather, it is better that we embrace our limits and thrive in the often narrower lane God has placed us in.
I recently saw a kidmin leader reach out to a group of other kidmin leaders for advice; a parent had recently approached her for help concerning her child who was just diagnosed with ADHD. This kidmin leader has heard negative things about putting kids on meds and was looking for any input on what other options she could share with this parent.
A Quick Detour
I also recently saw a social media post where a Tesla driver was asking the car maker about adjusting the car’s programming to center the car in the lane more. Apparently, he and other drivers have experienced their self-driving cars hugging one of the lane lines instead of staying in the middle of the lane. First-world problems, right? But I found it fascinating because I tend to find everything involving self-driving cars fascinating. (One of these days, I’m going to get one of those things and really decrease my rush hour stress.) The programming and technology involved in these cars is amazing. But they still have bugs to work out. Driving in a lane isn’t good enough; it’s best to drive more in the center of the lane. Which takes us back to where we began.
We Are Not Omnicompentent
I’m sure this kidmin leader looking for guidance means well, but it’s surely concerning. Medicine and ADHD treatments are well out of the scope of most kidmin leaders, indeed, most of us in general, unless you are a physician, a therapist, or some other related specialist. And here’s the double-edged sword we must be aware of: It’s a good thing when families come to kidmin leaders for help, but we cannot make the mistake of positioning ourselves or allowing families to see us as omnicompetent.
We aren’t. We were never meant to be.
Our specialty—our focus—must remain on the gospel. When families need help with the gospel, we should be there. That’s our calling and that’s our gift to our families and the church. But when we are asked for help beyond that, we should be quick to clarify our limitations and instead help them find what they need from elsewhere. In this case, being sure that this mother is working with her doctor is a top priority. And then beyond that, depending on the situation, a licensed therapist could be called on as well. Can and should we pray with this mother? By all means! Can and should we provide counseling about her child being an image bearer beloved by God and created by Him? By all means! So, we don’t abdicate everything in a situation like this. Rather, we hold onto what is in our “lane” and we refer the rest.
Our Limits Are a Gift
We need to be honest: This can be hard. It feels good when others see us as an expert, or a wise sage in all areas of life. But we need to resist giving in to that for three reasons.
First, it’s what’s best for the other person. If we want the best for those we serve—and we surely do—then we should have no qualm about pointing them to get the best help and support they can get, and that support will often not be us. Let’s love our people enough to point them to others when needed.
Second, it’s best for us. It’s weighty enough to partner with parents to disciple children and help those parents disciple their children. Why would we ever want to add further weight to that? Lighten your load and cast off areas you were never meant to carry!
Third, it’s good for the gospel. God’s design of the church is for us to need one another. We are all to recognize our limits. None of us are enough; only Jesus is. When we are quick to acknowledge our limits and turn to others, we picture the gospel.
brian dembowczyk 